Check My Pain at the Door...

My niece likes to call me late at night...yeah, the one my so called sister pushes aside like shes not even there. LeeLee..shes lonely for family. She, like myself has realized that when she is gone her children will be here all alone without any family but actually they will. My sons arent cold hearted young men. I raised them with heart being their most important asset. LeeLee strives to be the perfect mom at 33 and she is sooo stressed out. I worry about her. She lives with the pain of what her own mothers husband did to her at age 12. THIS GUY IS STILL WALKING AROUND!!!!!!!!!FREE!!!!!!!!WTF!
I steam like a cooker under pressure when I think about how my sister turned her back on her own daughter for the pedifile who raped her lil girl. Remember...I was raised being told I was the bad kid...My sister was the good girl...
My sister told her daughter the same thing she told me after she finally stepped up and telling the truth about my real father having known most of her life yet hiding that info leaving me with no family....she said about the pedifile...JUST LET IT GO!!!!!!!!!!!

I couldn't understand why my sisters dads family wouldn't have anything to do with her...well, she knew the truth about who and why her fathers life was taken yet let the people get away with it...

NOW I UNDERSTAND!

PRISSY ISN'T SO PERFECT AFTER ALL IS SHE?...THOSE BRONZED SHOES OF HERS THAT MOM HAD MADE MEAN NOTHING !!!
She played a good game with all for many years...she had me fooled for sure.

The part that hurts me the most is that my sister tells her kids I'm crazy....and all I can see is her standing in the doorway watching mom beat on me or watching me get pushed down the stairs. She was always standing back watching the abuse .....the observer of my torture, the witness to my mothers insanity taken out on me for her own mistakes that destroyed her future.....and mine.

"Just let it go".....thats what my sister told her daughter too, about my sisters ex husband that raped her own little girl at age 12....just let it go....

NEWS FLASH SISTER......WE FUCKING CAN'T!!!

AND YOUR NOT BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THIS WORLD! (I'd like to put those bronzed shoes somewhere special for you sister)

Our time here is a temp thing to do what we must to evolve our souls. forgiveness is part of that evolution and these people have really hindered my progress which worries me. This world has changed alot from what it was in the past and not for the better. We need to reach inside ourselves and pull out the goodness and cast away the selfishness we harbor deep inside. It could be selfishness for money, power, love, or many other things which in the scope of things is meaningless. The only thing we take with us when we leave is the goodness and love we share with others while in our human form.

I know what it is to be all alone with no one to turn to in good or bad times. I have no one to tell when something great happens or when I'm scared. If I die tomorrow, no one will miss me except my sons. I've been hiding for a very long time to protect myself from being hurt by others anymore. I stopped living a long time ago. It doesn't make me a crazy person. Every time I trust, I get hurt. I mean EVERY TIME. It's like I'm a target.

So, for those that think I'm crazy....I hurt (my life was a lie)
and for those who think I'm mean...I'm protecting me (Ive been abused)
for those that think I'm over protective...I'll do what ever it takes to keep who I love safe. (No one saved me)

I am a loner now (it didn't start out that way)...I didn't want to be...