Family

Sometimes it's hard when the holidays come around. Okay every year is hard. I don't really have much in the way of family there are a lot of people I am related to but family are those who are in your life. I'm pretty much a loner and that wasn't really my choice that's how it was laid out for me. As much as I hate to admit this I don't really have friends either. I stepped outside of the box a long long time ago and started looking in I didn't like what I saw. 

My sons tell me I need to get with the times but as I stand back and I look at the changes I don't think that's something I really want to get with we have people out here with purple hair piercings all over their face wearing shirts that talk about killing people and such and it gets much worse the clothes the girls are wearing they look like they're strippers walking the streets I mean I don't know what else to call it. My son's girlfriend is in the house right now wearing a skimpy shirt that goes just below her boobs for stretched out stomach is all sticking out and she's got real shorts on over a big bubble butt okay... Did I mention that she's 30 years old and a mother and my son is in the middle of a custody battle for his child right now... This female also has a problem child that beats up on my grandson he's choked and he's hit him with hard heavy toys and made the kid cry so hard he couldn't breathe. My son tells me he's almost broke now yet he keeps buying this girl and her son dinner out every night fast food carry out s*** which is really expensive and now he's almost out of money so I believe he's down to his last $500 and his savings and when that is gone she too will be gone I can't get him to listen to me I tried to tell him what's going on he's being used and instead he turns on me cuz she has decided she doesn't like me because I'm telling him what I'm seeing the girl comes over here bringing her kid everybody's eating of course I'm not even eating but the next day I'm expected to clean up all their messes and she just gets up and leaves her messes and her kids messes all behind she's The rudest girl I've ever known with absolutely no manners what so ever.

 The generation after mine they seem to be very disrespectful and they think they're entitled to everything and they expect to sit back and have everything served to them on a platter I never had it that way and I'm sure some of the people reading this never had it that way either I can't believe the way these kids nowadays treat their parents they tell them to shut up they tell them that the parents need to listen to them when did it become like that that the parent is supposed to listen to what the child says I'd say there's something real wrong with that. Well guess what Mommy's going to take them to school!!!! I left out the park about having a temper like my grandfather! Parent abuse is very real but when I'm done they'll be bent over and I'll be driving!!!

I miss my grandparents that s*** wouldn't fly in their house and my grandmother was an angel my grandfather a man you didn't want to mess with. I had a pretty strict upbringing it was strict at my grandparents house but it was normal restriction. at home with my mother was a completely different story. As I'm sure I've said in past writing  I was a severely abused child pushed down stairs knives thrown at me my head cracked open twice I had to go to the hospital while so many things I remember having to stand in the middle of the living room floor as my mother sick to her dog on me to rip my clothes off of me and she would say if I didn't move the dog wouldn't get my skin then I would go to school with dog teeth marks all down the front of my stomach the top of my legs and whatever I was wearing was definitely shredded I remember that dog well. I ended up putting a body harness on that dog and taking that dog out to the back porch to the third story apartment building hooking the leash up putting that dog over the railing and swinging that dog back and forth to torture him for all the times he bit me that dog ended up having a nervous breakdown and had to be returned to the woman that my mother got it from so in turn that whole thing was my mother's doing. How's that for mother's love? 

It's easy to be alone when you lack trust in others. People like me don't want to be untrusting we want to welcome friends and family and love into our lives let me cause of how we were done for so long by people that were supposed to care about us inside we feel we can't trust anyone. We're alone here.

I believe in reincarnation I know for a fact that it is true truthfully all kidding aside I'm waiting to go home I'm not sure what my lesson was supposed to be this time around I learned not to trust I learned that the people that are supposed to love you don't and I learned people are very cruel and they're out to take her get from you whatever they can and it's the strangeest thing that it doesn't seem to matter where you go it's all around I wish it was the 80s again when things were better this is a very bad world we're in now and I'm so worried for my grandchildren their innocent little kids they don't have a clue I'm very scared for them but I do know that to a certain extent we can watch over our loved ones here after we leave our bodies that being said I plan to be watching overall with my grandchildren and once I'm satisfied that everything is okay only then will I go towards that light I also have to warn the people that have changed my life and ruined my family well I'll be seeing you too...that excites me. People made me feel extreme mental pain and anguish for long periods of time...I will repay with fear!

Think what you want about me but you have no business judging me until you've walked in my shoes.